that I barely got any gifts this Christmas.
And yet, I'm not unhappy.
The only real gift/s I got was from my secret santa, Bryan, and the teddy bear from Nathalie. That's pretty much it. The rest was cookies/candy.
The whole economy thing hit me, I guess it really is a time of hardship. In my entire life I've never seen our tree so empty. I kept thinking it was us, but... is it really us?
This year I tried to get everybody (my cousins is all i could afford) something that had some kind of meaning, but it's hard. So I got them all necklaces from the new Forever 21 (which is freaking gigantic if you haven't been there), and tried keeping each item under ten bucks (so much cheaper than giving money/gift cards) but I tried to get the right necklaces for each girl... They don't see what goes through my mind, but I do hope that they know I tried getting something they'll at least like. I didn't want to give something they didn't even have interest in. I know times are hard, even for us ourselves--the supposedly "rich" ones of the family.
It's just, wow. I seriously have never gotten so little gifts. It feels so strange... for the many years in my life I finally understand the whole family thing of Christmas. This year, it was my favorite part. I had no gifts to open, and so all my excitement anticipated enjoying and being with loved ones. It was like, forget all materialism. Cherish the moments with family.
Because, well, in everyday life, I'm actually mostly alone. ish.
I rarely see my dad because he's at work, then comes home and stays in his room the rest of the night.
I tend to stay alone doing homework or something other than that, but alone.
My mom stays alone in the kitchen doing work all night,
My brother's in college, but when home, plays video games... alone.
Our times of bonding are only in meals.
And then time with cousins has gotten too old... the younger ones are getting old. No more made up games, no more tag, no more jumping on the beds, lame jokes, stupid yet hilarious reenactments... and we don't come together as a family as usual anymore. I don't see Katrina at school anymore, and I don't talk to or see Justine around school anymore. I don't walk home with Krizzel anymore, because of her tutoring. I don't see Mikee and Miggy afterschool like before, and I have no cousins living with me anymore.
We say we'll do things, but we never do. We say we'll cover a song, but in the end we don't. We say we'll make a video, but in the end it's not even worth editing x]. But I guess I do love the times we have together. I'm not around them as much anymore, and I miss it. I try to make it all worthwhile, and then it does become worthwhile. We jam and don't record, but camera can't always capture those "kodak" moments. We try recording, but we always get a laugh 'cause it always turns into meaningless random clips.
And then with my own family, I actually laughed and smiled. There was no yelling whatsoever, no talk of work that would cause an arguement. I watched movies with my brother and laughed, and also talking about scripts and cinematography. I got to tell my brother how I felt about today's media. Today, I walked/jogged my dog with my brother, on the longest (mistake!) and hilliest route ever hahaha. I cooked with my family, and I hate the stove because of childhood memory. I actually danced with my dad (x]) which I can't even remember last doing, because I don't dance. I spent time Christmas shopping with my mom.
I just wished the whole year could be so peaceful.
Just forget the sadness, the anger, the hatred. Think about what you really have, what God has given you, what God has made you.
And thus begin to realize what Christmas brings.
And yes. Happy Birthday Jesus, and I thank the Lord for bringing love to the world.
We Are The Reason (Joy Album Version) - Avalon
As the years went by we learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves and what that means
On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain
All because of love
And yet, I'm not unhappy.
The only real gift/s I got was from my secret santa, Bryan, and the teddy bear from Nathalie. That's pretty much it. The rest was cookies/candy.
The whole economy thing hit me, I guess it really is a time of hardship. In my entire life I've never seen our tree so empty. I kept thinking it was us, but... is it really us?
This year I tried to get everybody (my cousins is all i could afford) something that had some kind of meaning, but it's hard. So I got them all necklaces from the new Forever 21 (which is freaking gigantic if you haven't been there), and tried keeping each item under ten bucks (so much cheaper than giving money/gift cards) but I tried to get the right necklaces for each girl... They don't see what goes through my mind, but I do hope that they know I tried getting something they'll at least like. I didn't want to give something they didn't even have interest in. I know times are hard, even for us ourselves--the supposedly "rich" ones of the family.
It's just, wow. I seriously have never gotten so little gifts. It feels so strange... for the many years in my life I finally understand the whole family thing of Christmas. This year, it was my favorite part. I had no gifts to open, and so all my excitement anticipated enjoying and being with loved ones. It was like, forget all materialism. Cherish the moments with family.
Because, well, in everyday life, I'm actually mostly alone. ish.
I rarely see my dad because he's at work, then comes home and stays in his room the rest of the night.
I tend to stay alone doing homework or something other than that, but alone.
My mom stays alone in the kitchen doing work all night,
My brother's in college, but when home, plays video games... alone.
Our times of bonding are only in meals.
And then time with cousins has gotten too old... the younger ones are getting old. No more made up games, no more tag, no more jumping on the beds, lame jokes, stupid yet hilarious reenactments... and we don't come together as a family as usual anymore. I don't see Katrina at school anymore, and I don't talk to or see Justine around school anymore. I don't walk home with Krizzel anymore, because of her tutoring. I don't see Mikee and Miggy afterschool like before, and I have no cousins living with me anymore.
We say we'll do things, but we never do. We say we'll cover a song, but in the end we don't. We say we'll make a video, but in the end it's not even worth editing x]. But I guess I do love the times we have together. I'm not around them as much anymore, and I miss it. I try to make it all worthwhile, and then it does become worthwhile. We jam and don't record, but camera can't always capture those "kodak" moments. We try recording, but we always get a laugh 'cause it always turns into meaningless random clips.
And then with my own family, I actually laughed and smiled. There was no yelling whatsoever, no talk of work that would cause an arguement. I watched movies with my brother and laughed, and also talking about scripts and cinematography. I got to tell my brother how I felt about today's media. Today, I walked/jogged my dog with my brother, on the longest (mistake!) and hilliest route ever hahaha. I cooked with my family, and I hate the stove because of childhood memory. I actually danced with my dad (x]) which I can't even remember last doing, because I don't dance. I spent time Christmas shopping with my mom.
I just wished the whole year could be so peaceful.
Just forget the sadness, the anger, the hatred. Think about what you really have, what God has given you, what God has made you.
And thus begin to realize what Christmas brings.
And yes. Happy Birthday Jesus, and I thank the Lord for bringing love to the world.
As the years went by we learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves and what that means
On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain
All because of love
